Asperger's,Autism Spectrum Disorder

12 Books, 12 Months – Part 2

The fourth book I am read is Atomic Habits by James Clear. This book was really a pleasant surprise! I had seen the book read by several different people, some on trains, some mentioned it and yet no one I know personally read the book. So, I decided to put it on my list because I was a bit curious seeing the book everywhere. It’s a book about building habits that last and support what we want to become or achieve and breaking habits that hinder that process. It has a variety of examples and tips on how we do that in a way best suited to our personality. It is, in part, because of this book that the post you are reading right now has come into existence.

You see, I’ve struggled with stress for more than a year and even though I am finally getting better, I still struggle through every single day of life. I cannot tell you the last time I practices guitar, sat down to write, cooked not because I had to but because I wanted or had the energy to go out and see a friend. I am simply too exhausted and have generally had to force myself to do things for a long time. Building habits that strengthen who I am, or perhaps, strengthen the human being I wish to be and the life I wish to live is making it easier to do so.
I want to write. I love to write. I miss to write.

The techniques James Clear discusses in his book has helped me set up little rules so that I can create time to do what I love. This post is mainly written on the bus on my way to work, because I have very little time in my everyday life (works demands a lot at the moment), I tried to squeeze in writing in evening and on weekends. It didn’t work well, because I was generally just too fatigued and stressed about work to do anything. Since I couldn’t change my work situation and won’t be able to for probably 2 or more years, I decided to make a rule. Every time I get on a bus I write one sentence. I go to work both by bus and train since I live in the countryside and work in the capital the commute is quite long. The train is always filled with other people and I rarely get a place to sit, but the bus is different. I always get a seat and can put down my work pc and lunch bag on a seat next to me. This gives me space to always pick up my mobile and write one sentence. I always bring my mobile, but don’t always carry my notebooks, so I can even do this if I go somewhere for something else.
Every time I get on a bus, I write one sentence.

The thing is, and this is not intentional, once I start writing it’s very difficult to stop. I love writing. The hard part is not the writing, it’s every moment I am not. Finding time, sitting down, turning on my pc… it may not seem like a lot, but when you are so tired you could just go to bed or fall asleep in your chair, it IS simply too much.

One day I want to live life differently, but right now this is all I got. Even when my life is different one day, habits that strengthen who I want to be and the life I want to live will still be necessary – essential even.
Now, I feel like this challenge is making my growth exponential. It started slow, but the more work I do, the more open I become to change and the happier I am. I also feel that reading the 3 books in the order I have, have made my progress very natural. I am very excited for what the future of this challenge will bring me and more importantly, I am enjoying growing and changing more than I ever thought I would. My circumstances are the same as always, but because I am now slightly different from before my life also feels slightly different. I tried so hard to change my life in the past, but it seems I was trying to change the wrong thing. Everyone always says this, but I never truly understood until now.

Now the fifth book I chose, Dancing at the Edge of the World by Ursula K. Le Guin, has truly been a challenge to get through. This is very much not my kind of book. I used to read her novels when I was younger, however, and thought perhaps my love of her fantasy would make it easier for me to read it. I never really ended up liking it, but it was without a doubt wonderfully written. I think, I have never been a feminist in the way she is, and perhaps that is bad of me. I just never really cared about gender, because what matters to me is a person’s heart and not how they look on the outside. I am aware that I too have been the victim of discrimination for several different reasons, being a woman is just one of many to me. Discrimination is never acceptable, no matter the reasons.

The next book on my list was a treat, mainly because the last book was so difficult to get through. It was Blood, Sweat and Pixels by Jason Schreier. I had hoped this book would be inspirational, as I am working as an apprentice software developer, and I always wondered what it was like to work on games. I have struggled a lot at work, and even though I don’t plan on developing video games, I did want to hear stories from people who fought for their dreams within the field of programming. It was absolutely wonderful and inspiring to read about everything from solo developers working on a passion project for years to big company employees working hard on making something that truly mattered to them, both the ups and the downs.

I decided to play several of the games that were mentioned and described in the book and some of them really resonated with me. Some did not, but they were a great experience non the less, and I was happy to see what passion and hard work can really lead to. There were games I had wanted to play, but never got around to, for some reason. I can’t believe I never played Uncharted, for instance, a series of games I have now absolutely fallen in love with. By the time this is posted I have played through all of the games and I am replaying them again.

These last two books didn’t change my life in any major way, but in some ways they most definitely did because they gave me new perspective I had never imagined and that is exactly what I have been hoping this challenge would help me with. Changing and growing isn’t just making be life changes like changing jobs or moving or getting up every day at 5 o’clock to go to the gym before work. It can be something as little as changing how we perceive the world, because when we change that, we will slowly start to change how we interact with the world and they, my friends, may lead to big changes both mentally and physically. So, halfway through, I am still happy about taking on the challenge, but I am also tired. I think, it is important to take a pause from the challenge once in a while and read a great book not related to the challenge. Then, we can return to the challenge with a clear and refreshed head and soul.


Life with Autism Spectrum Disorder is not always easy, but it doesn't have to be impossible. Since I was diagnosed myself, I have been trying to raise autism awareness and share my own experiences and thoughts about life as well as my search for a happy and fulfilling life.

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