Asperger's,Autism Spectrum Disorder


What is a storyteller really? A storyteller tells you a story, yes, but it’s more than that. They weave words together in an attempt to share something with you; a feeling, a dream, an idea or whatever else that particular storyteller has in his or her heart. Some share it with spoken words and others share it with written words.

In fact, it is how it ought to be. When you read the words written down, as many other writers have said before, the experience is yours. The story becomes your story as you go through it.

Stories don’t always have a clear-cut format or a clear message, sometimes they are entirely different from what they seem like. Sometimes they surprise you, sometimes they bore you. What the storyteller wants you to think or feel or know might not be what you yourself take away from your experience and that is perfectly okay.

The storyteller might tell you the story, but when you hear it or read it then it is yours alone. The storyteller has no real power when the words are spoken or written down and shared.

I didn’t really know what would happen when I started writing this blog. I was filled with doubts and fears, not just about my writing, but about myself as a human being. I wasn’t sure if I was even qualified to be human or if I was so broken that I had lost my right to call myself human.

Over the past many months, I have changed a lot in ways I never knew possible. Grief and physical pain from my shoulder surgery ripped the last part of who I thought I was away and left me free from all that I had assumed I had to be. I was pushed far beyond my limits and broke again.

This time, however, it felt like it was something that had to happen for me to really begin the process of healing. Those old wounds never healed properly, and they still hurt even after decades, but now I feel like they are finally starting to heal. I am finally starting to heal.

I love writing very much. It is the one thing in my life that has always been consistent, even though I still struggle with it. I think my biggest challenge after starting this blog was accepting who I truly am inside and not who I thought I was. You can get those two mixed up very easily, you know.

In my heart I am a storyteller. This blog is me telling you my story, my life and my journey. One day, I hope I might help others, maybe even you, share your story with the world.

I want more than this too. I want to share my feelings, my dreams and ideas with you through stories and characters I feel come alive inside my vivid imagination. I have already written books and short stories, yes, but they are not right for sharing just yet. I want to improve and grow as a storyteller so that one day I may share the contents of my heart and mind with all of you.

Of course, any storyteller must also make a living somehow and I can’t survive on my writing yet, but hopefully someday I can. I need a home and a job like everyone else and right now I’m working really hard on securing those two things. It makes me tired though, so very tired.

It also makes me sad. It feels unfair and I hate feeling like that. I wish I could let go, stop struggling for control and simply accept that finding a job can be a herculean task at times.

Somehow, accepting that I am at heart a storyteller makes it all a little easier.

I don’t know why, but it does. I feel happy when I think about it – it just feels right.

I have always loved stories in every way. I love video games; I love being pulled into the narrative and chose how I want to play through the story. Obviously, I love RPGs the most. I get to re-imagine myself as anyone I want and do whatever I want – as long as it fits the narrative.

I love TV series and movies, but I prefer series. They are longer and often spends more time for character growth and story development. Watching a great series is breath of fresh air in a closed of space.

Books, novels and audiobooks, are closest to my heart and also one of the things I struggle with the most. Ever since I learned how to read, books became my refuge from school, bullies, hypersensitivity and all other troubles I had. I always had a book with me to school and I would pretend to read it at times even when the bullies surrounded me. My book was my shield and when I hid behind it no one could touch me. Of course, physically they could, but even if they would steal away the physical copy of the book, I would simply continue it in my head and ignore the voices outside.

I have dyslexia so reading is also a challenge to me. It takes immense effort and leaves me exhausted from the mental strain, but I miss it. Audiobooks are great, but it’s never going to be the same as a book to me. I love the smell, the feel and look of a book. I have some books that are the same except for the cover just because I wanted the different versions of it. Some books on my shelves are old and falling apart, held together with hairbands and string, while other books are brand new waiting to be read. I love them all.

A story can teach us so much, it can let us feel emotions we might never have experienced and show us what truly lies in our own heart. They can make us see the world, ourselves and others, in a whole new light. Stories can change us. You remember that one story, right? The first one, perhaps, or the only one. The one that really made an impact on you – the story that changed something inside of you. Did it break your heart? Did it let you feel a love you never thought possible? Did it mess with your head? Did it frighten you? Did you find yourself through it?

I know I am a storyteller in my heart because that one story is the story I’m telling. It’s never going to end as long as I am alive and whether I write it down or share it with someone I meet doesn’t matter. It’s all of them, all the stories I ever told and all the stories I will ever tell – they are my story while I live it, but yours too, now that you read it. Make of it what you will, you can even forget it and I won’t blame you. To be a part of your story, even for a little while, is a wonderful gift and I am grateful to be a part of it.

Join me, if you will, on this storytellers journey.


Life with Autism Spectrum Disorder is not always easy, but it doesn't have to be impossible. Since I was diagnosed myself, I have been trying to raise autism awareness and share my own experiences and thoughts about life as well as my search for a happy and fulfilling life.

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