It’s the end of the year – a year unlike any I can remember – and honestly, I am pretty okay with the fact that it’s almost over now. If ever there was a time to celebrate a new beginning this is it.
I will celebrate quietly as I prefer it. It it’s the first time Christmas and New Years will pass without both my grandparents, the first Christmas and New Years that will pass for my mother without both her parents alive. Many things are no longer as they once were, the world – our world – is different in a way unlike ever before.
Those of us left behind may struggle with many things from grief, unemployment, loneliness, debt or illness. Covid-19 has brought many challenges with it that is not simply the virus in itself, just like political unrest is brewing worldwide. The climate is changing in increasingly dramatic ways, and we are heading towards and uncertain future in more ways than one. What worries me the most is that most people don’t seem bothered enough by these changes to do anything and others, like myself, often feel the weight of hopelessness upon us.
I myself feel like I stand at the edge of an abyss. I can no longer stay in my safe spot because it is crumpling beneath my feet, but I do not know if I will drop to the bottom of the abyss when I jump or if I can stretch my wings and fly off in search of new, solid ground to stand on.
So much is changing in my life and I am not a person who handles change well. I want change, but that does not mean I can easily adapt to the change. It’s the unknown and since it is unknown, how can I possibly be prepared or know how to deal with it before it happens? I cannot. I must simply move forward and feel confident in my own abilities. Confidence does not mean I cannot doubt myself, however. I feel both confident in myself and yet, I am also constantly questioning my actions and thoughts.
A new life, a new career path and new hopes and dreams are slowly being created around me as I start over with culinary school in just a few weeks. I am not as young as I was when I started university back in 2007 and hopefully all those years of studying will benefit my future studies and work as well. How best to combine my past with my future is a mystery to me, but I hope to find a way.
My blog may seem a little messy these days – just like my heart is in turmoil as I am surrounded by change. I decided to change my categories and tags, since they were horribly done to begin with, and it is taking a lot of time. I am slowly going through each of my posts, re-reading and editing a bit here and there (no major changes though), and re-categorising and re-tagging them. For a little while you may notice the inconsistencies of categories and tags, but don’t worry, both those and my heart will soon sort itself out again.
I still plan to have most of my blog make over done by January and I hope my changes will make it easier for all of you to use my site in the future.
If you have any suggestions, please let me know. Also, if you have any questions about life with Autism Spectrum Disorder, do not be afraid to ask them, because if you do, I will do my best to answer those from my point of view.
I think that’s it for now. Always stay safe and enjoy the final days of the year.
Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!
