How Many Times Is It Okay to Watch a Film?

Autumn is making way for winter. It’s getting cold and the air has the smell of snow in it. I love this time of year. I love hats, coats and gloves and scarfs and feeling the cold on my face. I also love being inside with a hot cup of tea and a great film, cuddling up under a blanket.

One of the things that people associate with autism spectrum disorder is special or intense interests. If you have experience with people on the spectrum, or if you are anything like me, odds are you’ve already seen it for yourself. I have seen it in others just as I see it in myself.

To me, and others like me, it’s not just that we can dedicate a lifetime to the study of one particular subject and positively obsess about it in the same way others seem to feel when they are deeply in love, no, it’s more than that. Sometimes I feel like that about a single thing, a simple thing. Not everything can be turned into a career or even qualify as a hobby. Sometimes it is just that we obsess over a film or a book, or maybe a song, a drink or a special dish.

What makes it special is difficult to explain, it hardly seems logical to me half the time. It just feels…. right.

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Relax

Since my surgery I’ve not had a lot of time to feel stressed about the aspects of my life that usually stress me. I’ve struggled with the pain, especially when I got frozen shoulder, and with the nausea that comes with all the pain medication I’m taking. Eating has been difficult because of the nausea and sleeping has pretty much only been possible with a bit of morphine.

I can only lie on my back and whenever seated, I never find any rest or comfort.

Obviously, it’s been difficult – not just for me, but also for the people in my life. I’ve been sad a lot and people telling me that things will improve only made me feel worse. Why does the knowledge that things will change make people feel like they’ve done their part and now I just need to get through it?

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Teamwork, Yes or No?

Group projects were never really something I enjoyed growing up. It’s not that I don’t want to work with others at all, but it might seem like that to other people. I would love to work in a group, but the problem is that other people rarely want to work as hard as I do. People have called me a perfectionist many, many times, but in my opinion I’m not. Things don’t have to be perfect, but I have to feel like I’ve done my best every time I do something. Why would I want to be a part of something or do something and not do it as well as I possibly can? Why not make an effort?

I can make mistakes. I couldn’t always, but I can now.

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