Why Do It Now?

Did you ever not do something because you felt it was too late? Maybe that you felt too old?

I have.

I hate it when people tell me that we are never too old or some other [insert your choice of curse word here]. I don’t dislike it because I think it’s entirely wrong, I dislike it because it’s just too simple and too easy. It’s something you can say if you don’t care enough to actually think about the situation someone else is in and not something to be said if you really care.

The thing is, sometimes it really is too late.

Sometimes we are too old.

The issue is not if it’s too late or not, no, but rather whatever the thing that we want. That’s what matters. Our dream or desire.

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Relax

Since my surgery I’ve not had a lot of time to feel stressed about the aspects of my life that usually stress me. I’ve struggled with the pain, especially when I got frozen shoulder, and with the nausea that comes with all the pain medication I’m taking. Eating has been difficult because of the nausea and sleeping has pretty much only been possible with a bit of morphine.

I can only lie on my back and whenever seated, I never find any rest or comfort.

Obviously, it’s been difficult – not just for me, but also for the people in my life. I’ve been sad a lot and people telling me that things will improve only made me feel worse. Why does the knowledge that things will change make people feel like they’ve done their part and now I just need to get through it?

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The Space Left Behind

We always say that we’ve all experienced loss, even when we haven’t. We say our condolences and express how sorry we are when someone we know has lost a loved one. But what is grief really?


I have lost people before, both friends and family. Most were when I was a lot younger though and I remember how confused I was when I was at funerals as a child. I remember crying when a beloved great grandfather passed away, but I was so young, I was selfishly crying because I’d been told I never see him again.


Grief was beyond my understanding, perhaps I was too young or perhaps too naive. I don’t know. My world view was so different, back before I realised, I wasn’t like everyone else.


Before I had shoulder surgery my grandmother fell and broke her hip. You can read about it and the mistake they did in the post here.


Recently she passed away.

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