Why Do It Now?

Did you ever not do something because you felt it was too late? Maybe that you felt too old?

I have.

I hate it when people tell me that we are never too old or some other [insert your choice of curse word here]. I don’t dislike it because I think it’s entirely wrong, I dislike it because it’s just too simple and too easy. It’s something you can say if you don’t care enough to actually think about the situation someone else is in and not something to be said if you really care.

The thing is, sometimes it really is too late.

Sometimes we are too old.

The issue is not if it’s too late or not, no, but rather whatever the thing that we want. That’s what matters. Our dream or desire.

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How Many Times Is It Okay to Watch a Film?

Autumn is making way for winter. It’s getting cold and the air has the smell of snow in it. I love this time of year. I love hats, coats and gloves and scarfs and feeling the cold on my face. I also love being inside with a hot cup of tea and a great film, cuddling up under a blanket.

One of the things that people associate with autism spectrum disorder is special or intense interests. If you have experience with people on the spectrum, or if you are anything like me, odds are you’ve already seen it for yourself. I have seen it in others just as I see it in myself.

To me, and others like me, it’s not just that we can dedicate a lifetime to the study of one particular subject and positively obsess about it in the same way others seem to feel when they are deeply in love, no, it’s more than that. Sometimes I feel like that about a single thing, a simple thing. Not everything can be turned into a career or even qualify as a hobby. Sometimes it is just that we obsess over a film or a book, or maybe a song, a drink or a special dish.

What makes it special is difficult to explain, it hardly seems logical to me half the time. It just feels…. right.

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Relax

Since my surgery I’ve not had a lot of time to feel stressed about the aspects of my life that usually stress me. I’ve struggled with the pain, especially when I got frozen shoulder, and with the nausea that comes with all the pain medication I’m taking. Eating has been difficult because of the nausea and sleeping has pretty much only been possible with a bit of morphine.

I can only lie on my back and whenever seated, I never find any rest or comfort.

Obviously, it’s been difficult – not just for me, but also for the people in my life. I’ve been sad a lot and people telling me that things will improve only made me feel worse. Why does the knowledge that things will change make people feel like they’ve done their part and now I just need to get through it?

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